Interruption . . .

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming of vacation blogs to give you a dose of current reality . . .

Friday, August 15, 2008

My mother-in-law wrote me an email and was guessing that the goodbyes to family were hard and that I was at an emotional low. Immediately I denied this but my mother-in-law is a very wise and perceptive woman. After my mini-vacation and setting the house back into order, things went downhill. There definitely is the emotional low after saying goodbyes to family. But there are a number of other factors contributing to my less than desirable emotional state.

1) Carmen is leaving in three weeks and that sucks. That’s a bit vulgar but there is no other way of putting it.
2) The boys are on vacation and after the initial excitement of playing with all the neighborhood kids, it isn’t quite so fun. Jason is bored and homesick. Kids are “beating” on Brendan and he needs my help a lot to work it out. And there are usually 10-15 kids in my front yard, in the treehouse, or on my porch and NONE of them know how to talk in normal voices instead of yelling.
3) For the past 10 years, summer has been a time of increased connection with friends gathered around my parent’s pool in LA. Instead, school friends are off on holidays and I haven’t yet been able to connect with the few that are still around.
4) I really miss Pasadena Mennonite Church. It would be great to worship with them right now. Instead, I attend a church with many warm and friendly people, but a deeper connection hasn’t been made. Even the boys have the order of service memorized and there is no variation. The only surprise is whether I will be the one called on to pray (avoiding eye contact doesn’t help). I still loathe teaching Sunday School which sours my whole day. Last week, I had a one year old that drew out the maternal instinct in the two usually attentive girls, two little boys that were constantly trying to escape the classroom, one eating a piece of bread and distracting everyone else, and only one boy interested in the story: Jason.
5) We are at our one year anniversary of moving to Zambia which gives me cause to evaluate the past year and unfortunately, in my current state of mind, chastise myself for all the areas where I have not measured up to my own expectations. There are some good things going but in general, I thought I would be “farther along” than I am, whatever that means.
6) Our involvement in the quest for reconciliation and mediation at MEF is back to a standstill. It seems that the director would like to try it his way and is eliciting our “help” instead of allowing us to facilitate the process. What is apparent to us is that the director is not neutral and so for him to lead the way is difficult, especially since the primary means of getting at reconciliation so far is through preaching. It feels like another attempt at the management forcing the workers to do what the management wants, under the terminology of reconciliation. Guess we’ll just keep praying.
7) Shoprite still doesn’t have lentils in stock.

But, at the same time, I am hopeful that this funk I am in is temporary. Here are a few good things for which I am grateful:
1) Carl Stauffer, MCCer down in South Africa, passed through Kitwe the other day and we got to chat with him for an hour. He is cheerful, compassionate, and just really good company.
2) Lines were painted on the road we always drive going into town. This is no small thing. With no lines marking where there are designated passing lanes, it is like a free for all. And at night, it is even more treacherous with oncoming traffic floating into your lane because there is nothing to indicate where their lane ends and mine begins. The lines are really beautiful: each handpainted with a brush, turning lanes are clearly marked, diagonal yellow lines in zones where you aren’t supposed to be driving. It makes me truly happy every time I drive on that road now.
3) I went to the market and bought several used stuffed animals and a handful of toy cars. This Sunday, after a few songs and a Bible story, those kids are going to be playing and I am not going to feel like pulling my hair out in the house of God.
4) Tomorrow we are going to a birthday party for one of Jason’s classmates. Rocio, the lovely Peruvian mother of Renato, didn’t have my phone number or address so she asked around for two weeks until she finally reached me. It is nice to be pursued like that. I am praying really hard that Renato will be in Jason’s Reception class. They get along well and I like Rocio. It would be nice to have a friend like that in Jason’s class, for both of us.
5) Friends from home, Mike, Carol and Lauren Rewers, adopted a little baby girl this week. It hasn’t been an easy road for them and we are profoundly grateful that this baby girl, Claire, is joining their family. Claire doesn’t know how good she is going to have it.
6) As I am sorting through pictures of our family vacation, I am reminded of what an amazing time we had together and what a gift that was to us. But really, Dad and Kevin, 750 pictures in two days of safari? That is a LOT of deleting I have to do!
7) I’m trying to think of one more thing so that my list of good and bad things will be balanced. Plus, seven is the number of completion and that could very well be the thing that edges me out of this funk. So let me see . . . a few days ago, all the stars aligned in just the right order and I was able to make hummus AND eat it with pitas. I bought pita bread in Lusaka, froze it and transported it home. Charlene left me a jar of tahini and I inherited their blender. And Shoprite had garbanzo beans. I still have one more bag of pita bread in the freezer, plenty of tahini left, the blender is still in good working order . . . but can’t find garbanzo beans anymore. I’m telling you, it is tricky getting everything you want all at the same time. Which made eating the pitas and hummus the other night absolutely wonderful.