Hard to believe . . .

Monday, August 19, 2008
I love the Olympics. We don’t have a TV or satellite so I am feeling a bit deprived. Sigh. Every month, Peter and I have a date somewhere around the 15th, the date we were married. Tonight we tried a new restaurant run by the Greeks and we were pleasantly surprised to find the Olympics were on. At first we made a concerted effort to focus on each other instead of the flatscreen TV. We usually check in with each other to see how we are doing socially, spiritually, financially, etc. We have been doing this for more than fifteen years now and have found it helpful for our relationship. But tonight, after attempting a deep conversation for oh, a few minutes, it was obvious that we both really just wanted to watch the Olympics. So we finally just looked at each other, agreed that our relationship was solid, and simultaneously turned to feast on the Olympics. We saw a Canadian gal win the silver on the trampoline and a bit of men’s gymnastics. Thank heavens weightlifting wasn’t on. Although, in my state of Olympic deprivation, I probably would have watched even that.

Tuesday, August 20, 2008
This was the conversation I had when Jason climbed into my bed early this morning:
Jason: When I grow up I want to be an American.
Me: You already are an American. Do you mean you want to live in America?
Jason: Yeah. I want to live in America and never move.
I think he might be a bit homesick still. He is very eager to begin Reception in two weeks. He likes to call it kindergarten instead, even though no one calls it that here. He is adamantly staying connected to America.

After dinner, Brendan went to go sit on the can and Jason went to wash his hands after dinner. From the dinner table where Peter and I relaxed, we could eavesdrop on what was going on in the bathroom. Both boys were singing the doxology, which they know quite well by now. Then they moved into another song but Jason interrupted and stated, “You know, God made you and he knew you from the start.” Brendan quickly replied, “I know,” and kept on singing his song. But it went downhill fast from there with Brendan getting into the shower and talk turning to body parts and functions.

Thursday, August 21, 2008
It was the kind of day where everyone wants a piece of me and I rather felt like keeping myself intact. Different requests were made of me and all regarding things I wasn’t particularly interested in giving. Perhaps this is due to selfishness. Perhaps it is due to not knowing exactly where I want to invest my energy. I don’t know. But I wasn’t feeling very generous, at any rate. I ran into a friend at Lechwe School who teaches the Lower Nursery kids. She wanted to know if I was going to volunteer in the library again and read to the children. The reason I did this last year was that it was a way to get to know Brendan and Jason’s classmates and connect with their teachers. But Jason is no longer in nursery so I don’t feel the need to volunteer for all those classes. I thought I would talk to Brendan and Jason’s teachers after a few weeks and see if there was a way I could volunteer and contribute towards their classes. Jason would love for me to read to his class again so I may consider it but I will have to have firm boundaries when all the teachers want me to do it for their classes as well. Then Carmen’s househelp, Charity, stopped me on the way to Peter’s office. She invited the boys and I to her daughter’s 10th birthday party next Saturday. I am trying to see this invitation as one of hospitality, but the cynical side of me says she just wants us to bring an expensive gift. In fact, the invitation that Carmen received read, “Don’t come without a gift.” If I had a relationship with Charity and if we had ever met her daughter, it might feel a bit different. It must have something to do with cultural differences. And then in the afternoon, Sandra paid me a visit. One way to tell this story is that she used to visit me a lot, when she needed money and thought I could help. Then there was a money incident when we took her to Lusaka last December that felt manipulative and made us feel used. She didn’t come to visit us for several months, except once when the visit was cut short because Brendan came down with malaria. And now she was back, and I guessed it wasn’t because she had missed my company. Indeed, she is writing a proposal for an organization she is starting with a few of her teenager friends and she is looking for advice and funding. Her motives are noble: there are a lot of poor people around who need training so they can get jobs, orphans who need food, children who need school fees, etc. and they want to help them. She showed me the proposal that they had written so far. Let me insert here that I HATE consulting on grant proposals. I especially hate consulting on general, broad, poorly written grant proposals which have absolutely no hope of funding. Yes, I turn pessimist. I half-heartedly offered a bit of advice on narrowing down what they are trying to do into a more manageable bit and reiterated that their desire to help those less fortunate is good. After more than an hour had passed, I initiated the close of the visit so that I could hang up the laundry and start dinner. On her way out the door, Sandra said she would be back tomorrow afternoon again. Oh bother.

It was also a high intensity parenting day. The boys went over to a friend’s house to play this morning. They played outside a bit but most of the time they were parked in front of Cartoon Network, vegging out in front of the television. They ate Oreos and drank soft drinks and understandably, didn’t want to leave when I came to pick them up. On the way home, Brendan told me that he drank a can of Coca Cola. This may not be a big deal to some, but we have a strict rule that our kids are not allowed to drink soft drinks with caffeine. Brendan, in particular, fights this rule and never misses an opportunity to ask if he can drink Coke, even though he knows the answer. So when he told me that he drank Coke, I was disappointed. I spent yesterday afternoon reviewing some parenting ideas regarding how to parent so that change takes place at the heart level, not just changing behavior to avoid punishment. Now I was being put to the test. Peter and I sat down with Brendan after lunch and sought an explanation for his obvious breaking of a family rule. Responsibility, we told him, is following family rules even when no one is watching. He got points for being honest and telling us what he did. But he majorly lost points when he said that he just drank it without once thinking about our family rule or questioning if he was doing the right thing or not. His assignment for the afternoon was making a list of family rules and Christian rules that we try to follow and what value is behind it. He did a pretty good job with it and after dinner, we spent time reviewing them as a family. But before that, over dinner, we got into a long conversation about what it means to be responsible, and that moved into confession, and then into heaven and hell, and who knows what else. Brendan was very eager to do the right thing, to figure things out on a spiritual level, and to reconnect with us. He commented that our conversation earlier in the afternoon was painful but that it made him want to change. He said it was a turning point for him. I had the image of him being squeezed through a small space, like a birth canal, and then emerging on the other side. It is a painful process but it feels very freeing once on the other side. Being the one trying to facilitate the growth isn’t easy either. Driving home from the playdate, I wasn’t too confident that this Coke incident would get at some heart issues. I prayed that our discipline or intervention would touch something that seemed impenetrable. And by the grace of God, it did.

“I know this sounds crazy, but I really want to follow Jesus more but I just don’t know how to do that.” Brendan asked to talk to me again before bed and this is what he told me. That gave me an opening to talk about some of the areas in need of change right now, like choosing servanthood over selfishness. He had grand ideas of all the ways he could change (so he has been listening!) but we tried to narrow it down to one thing he could work on tomorrow. His whole demeanor changed through the course of the day and by evening, he seemed light as a feather. He was talkative and thoughtful and eager to engage. Whew! This whole parenting thing is hard work. But so worth it.

Sunday, August 26, 2008
So here has been my dilemma regarding my role as Sunday School teacher at St. Andrews. It has taken me several months to figure this out. I want to be sensitive as a foreigner here in Zambia and not import my North American way of doing things, especially in the church setting which is already contaminated by the West in many ways. So I’ve been trying to do it the Zambian way, as far as I understand it. It appears to be a very laid-back approach which involves coming up with something on the spot, with only a Bible story book that uses King James language as a resource. I tried this for a long time but, as you know from previous entries, it wasn’t working too well for me. The pastor’s wife, who is in charge of Sunday School, just said whatever I was doing was fine. I asked a couple of times if we could meet but she wasn’t too interested and reiterated that it was up to me. So now I am allowing myself to do what is needed for me to make it tolerable, which inevitably means being North American. I have limited the time that I am trying to teach the Bible and spending more time singing and coloring a page that has a picture from the story we read. And then, for the remainder of the time, they can simply play. This format worked really well today when I had two toddlers and eight other kids up to age five. And I didn’t even have a helper.

Just when I finally figured things out a bit, now it is changing. It was announced at the end of the service that, beginning next Sunday, there will be a new format for Sunday School. Now the children will go directly to Sunday School at 9:00. This is funny because nothing happens in the churchyard until 9:20 at least. But the kids will begin with Sunday School and then join the adults for the three or four songs of praise and worship. Then they will leave again during the sermon and play on the little playground for that hour. The reverend was concerned that the Sunday School teachers, namely me and his wife, were not hearing his sermons. One of us still needs to supervise the kids on the playground so all these changes are made so that one of us can hear his sermons on Sunday. I’m really disappointed for several reasons. First, my boys were finally getting into the rhythm of the first part of worship and I want them to hear prayers of confession and intercession, testimonies, and sing the doxology after the offering. Second, my new format won’t work with kids straggling in when they arrive somewhere between 9:15 and 9:45, and it is hard to know when we are supposed to wrap up and join the adults. Third, one of the few perks of teaching Sunday School was that I didn’t have to sit through the sermon and now things are being rearranged so that I can have that privilege. So I find myself discouraged once again. Eeeesh.

Monday, August 25, 2008
We spent a lovely afternoon and evening with Jerry and Brenda and their boys . . . and their neighbor’s grandsons and the mum of these boys and her boyfriend and their dog who all seemed to feel very at home in Jerry and Brenda’s home. It was a bit weird for Jerry and Brenda, even though they have been reaching out to this hurting family who is here on holidays for two months. They came and went freely and spoke freely about certain things that had us squirming a bit. But Jerry and Brenda are so relaxed and welcoming and that put us at ease as well. In between the appearance of these unexpected neighbors, we had a good time catching up and reconnecting after not seeing each other for several weeks.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Believe it or not! These are some things that I can’t believe:
1. The beautiful white lines on the road are already fading.
2. It costs about $110 to fill our Toyota Corolla’s 12 gallon tank with petrol.
3. People who barely have enough money for food are scraping together transport money to go view the late President Mwanawasa’s body in nearby Ndola. And then most are turned away because it takes too long for everyone to catch their glimpse and move on.
4. All public and private schools will begin a week later due to Mwanawasa’s funeral on September 3. Good news for Brendan. Bad news for Jason and I who were both looking forward to the start of school.
5. Something died under our kitchen cupboards again and it stinks.
6. Lentils are back at Shoprite!
7. Obama was “anointed” as the US Presidential candidate for the Democrats this week. That is what the SkyNews headlines read when I was waiting for Adrian to be tested for malaria at the clinic. Nominated maybe, but Americans don’t “anoint” candidates. Or have I been out of the country too long?
8. John the Baptist ate locusts and wild honey. OK, I can believe the honey part. But Brendan caught a locust today and it sure didn’t look appetizing to me. Although it was pretty in it’s own way.
9. Brendan continues to exhibit an attitude change that manifests itself in pretty pleasant behaviors. It has been several days now and while not perfect, you can see him making a concerted effort.
10. It has been five months since it last rained. We’ve got two more to go before the rains finally come.