Reconciliation and Healing

Sunday, October 21, 2007

I think I was the only one who squirmed during the hour and a half sermon this morning. It wasn’t because of the theology, just the hard benches. We returned to Faith Baptist this morning and once again enjoyed the music. We sang a few songs in Bemba which I really appreciated. It was Peter’s turn to sit with Jason in Sunday School and unfortunately the teachers this week weren’t quite as good as last week. It is just difficult to have children listen to someone talking at them for over an hour, just as it is for adults. They played games the last seven minutes but the kids could have used it earlier, since they kept falling asleep. It is going to take some adjustments for all of us. The sermon covered the whole book of Malachi, a book that I haven’t read in a long time and, an hour and a half later, I feel like I know quite well!

We had our first theft which was dealt with in the afternoon. Two children, one whom we know well and the other we know a little, cut the screen in the boys’ bedroom and took two action figures from the window sill. I understand that it must be hard for them to see all the toys that Brendan and Jason have and wish they had them. However, that screen is now ruined which means the window needs to stay closed and any air movement we can get in this heat is helpful. Peter saw the boys with the action figures in the afternoon and was told that they had bought them at the store. Unlikely that they found a Batman and Wonder Woman that look exactly like Jason’s in a store in Kitwe. The boys returned the stolen goods to me so that part was taken care of. Then I talked to both the boys and explained that there were two problems: a broken screen and broken trust. Both needed to be repaired. I gave them the option to give me money to pay for the screen and their eyes widened in horror. The other option was to remove the leaves from our ditch in front, a job that will take an hour or two to complete. I told them that if they do this job, that would pay for the screen. If they work hard, that will help rebuild trust. I don’t know if this is the African way or not but it seemed reasonable to give them a chance to make it right. I didn’t tell Brendan and Jason about this incident so as not to ruin their relationship with these boys. Hopefully it won’t happen again. As they were working, I brought out water for them. They told me that there are two other boys who stole cars from Jason. The two boys came and both denied having taken cars. I tried to make it clear that whoever took cars needs to return them and not do it again. The boys who were clearing the ditch told them that if they stole, they had to help. Though both said they were innocent, one felt guilty enough to start cleaning along with the others. Our ditch is now clean and hopefully the stealing will stop. I am an optimist.

Monday, October 22, 2007

In the midst of new things there are things that are familiar, like:
Jacaranda trees with their purple blossoms.
Pringles in Shoprite, though to purchase it would mean about $8 out of our personal account. I may get desperate yet one of these days.
Celine Dion playing in Joe’s taxi on the way to and from school. He has one song on automatic replay so it plays over and over again. And again.

There are also new things that have become familiar, like:
Lizards on our walls. There are two tiny lizards that provide us with a game something like, Where’s Waldo? We are always thrilled when we see those little friends!
Which parts of the sidewalk stick up so we don’t stumble on the way to Peter’s office.
Dust everywhere.
An amazing variety of colorful butterflies.
Strangers in our fruit trees.
The eighteen million ways in Bemba to say, “Hello, how are you?” At this point, I know about eight different ways to greet people, depending on the time of the day and when I last saw them, but people keep teaching me more. At least I can be sure that the response is always the same, “Bwino!” This reflects the very friendly nature of Zambian people, I think!

Friday, October 26, 2007

It has been a rewarding couple of days. Peter has been organizing a seminar called “Healing of Memories” and when I first heard about it, I told Peter I would love to attend it. It didn’t look possible with Peter doing the legwork on it and needing to be available to troubleshoot the problems that inevitable arise. The day before the seminar, Peter was informed that MEF needed to send a few representatives so he had to attend. He was not excited about this new development so I begged him to send me instead. So it was all worked out at the last minute that Peter would parent, Jimmy would be the point person, and I would get to attend this seminar. The Institute for Healing of Memories is located in South Africa and among other things, leads experiential workshops allowing people to heal from their memories. They specialize in healing for those infected and affected by HIV/AIDS, as well as for those affected by the history of their country. Father Michael Lapsley founded the institute and led our workshop, along with three other facilitators. Father Michael lost both his hands and an eye in a letter bomb sent by the South African government in 1990. (Isn’t it remarkable that I now know two Anglican priests from New Zealand who were very involved in ending apartheid and lost limbs by parcel bombs as a result?) He is a lovely man and was able, in the course of 2 1/2 days, to lead a group of twenty strangers to form a community of healing. We spent much of the time in small “family” groups, sharing our stories and listening. For some, it was the first time that they had shared their story in its entirety and it was very healing for them to have people who cared, listen and respond with love. I was a bit unsure how they would feel about a muzungu, with a very different life story, being among them, but I was welcomed wholeheartedly. Once again, the life and death of Nathaniel (our first son who died in 1999), was a gift. Being able to share our sorrow, joy, and community support, gave me a connecting point with others who had experienced loss. I met several wonderful women and valued the time with them. One of them is in Kitwe and works as a HIV/AIDS counselor in a pastoral care clinic associated with the hospital. I hope to visit her at her work sometime and see more of what she does. Many people came into the workshop, thinking it was a seminar where they would acquire information, and were surprised that we participated in creative exercises, meaningful liturgy, and dealt with matters of the heart rather than the head. Over the past few months, I have taken up permanent residence in my head, dealing with the logistics of moving overseas, trying to figure out how to live in a new place, and just attending to the details of life. This gave me a safe place to reacquaint myself with my heart. In a few weeks, there will be a training session for facilitators and I hope that I will be able to attend. The vision is for MEF to hold more of these seminars with people trained locally to be facilitators. Perhaps I will get to take part in that. If you are curious about the Institute for Healing of Memories, this is their website: www.healingofmemories.co.za

The boys, meanwhile, have been enjoying their mid-term break. I had tried to set up a playdate with another family but they were all sick. But then I was relieved that nothing had been scheduled which allowed me to go to the workshop. They were thrilled to receive their first packages from the States which took about six weeks to arrive. Brendan wanted to learn how to cross-stitch so I got him going on a project. I am constantly trying to fix the knots and messes he comes to me with, and I am reminded of how often my mom had to do the same for me. But most of the time, they are out playing with friends, except during the hot part of the day. Yesterday there were at least ten kids in our front yard. I ran out of cups for everyone when they asked for water. Brendan and Jason came home hungry, filthy, and tired. Dinner, baths, and bedtime remedied these issues. In the evening, we invited the four facilitators from the workshop over for watermelon and cookies. It was delightful to have a bit more time with these wonderful people.

Peter’s plate is full with MEF graduation today, speaking in chapel next week, finishing up details on the seminar that took place this week and preparing for the next one, trying to find time to work on editing his dissertation, and a bunch of other details. For example, he has been to the bank several times to get ATM cards for us and after standing in line for a long time, returns home unsuccessful for one reason or another. TIA.

Jason’s latest phrase that cracks us up relates to sharing. We have encouraged the boys to go back and forth when shooting baskets on their nerf basketball hoop. Jason tells Brendan, “I’ll be ‘back,’ you be ‘forth,’ OK?”