Alive again

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I made cabbage borscht and zweibach for dinner tonight. It was the best pot of borscht I have ever made. Opa would be proud. But it made me remember back to high school when our youth group sponsored a “Borscht Cook-off” and I entered a pot of soup into the competition. It looked like borscht but tasted like absolutely nothing. Some ladies in the kitchen realized this and added a bit of someone’s spicy borscht to my pot to give it a bit of flavor. I’ve come a long way, baby.

Erin led our Bible Study tonight and as tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, we engaged in the spiritual practice of Lectio Divina, looking at Psalm 51. In the course of reading through the Psalm six times with prayer and reflection in between, two phrases stuck out to me. The first was “Restore unto me the joy of your salvation.” The troubles of the world have weighed heavy on me lately and I was reminded that God is the one who saves and that this salvation isn’t just for me personally but for the whole world, all peoples, all structures and systems, the whole kit and kaboodle. I was reminded of our study in Revelation a few weeks ago that talked about God’s salvation in the past, present and future tenses, God has saved, God is saving, and God will save. I’m praying for a bit of hope and faith so that I can not only witness this but also be a participant in this salvation.

The other phrase that caught my attention was “Sustain in me a willing spirit.” Some translations read “grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me” but I like the first one better. This has become my prayer for Lent. I realized that I was trying to sustain myself in other ways, mostly by playing my addictive computer game and just biding my time instead of actively engaging life. Life right now entails being very aware of the poverty, corruption, violence and strife in this world. But if Lent is partly about entering into the darkness, maybe I should choose to embrace that instead of running from it or numbing myself in other ways.

I don’t usually give something up for Lent, mostly because I have little to no will power to do much of anything for 40 days. But tonight I feel prompted to give up this computer game that I am using as a crutch. There are times in my life where it is simply relaxing or entertaining to play a computer game but the combination of this computer game and my emotional state at the moment makes me think there is more going on. I know I am cocooning myself from the troubles around me but even though I may be “safe” it also blocks me from what God may want to do in my life. Giving up my computer game may open up space for God’s transformation in my life, the real purpose of Lent. It is more than deprivation or something to be proud of (if I can possibly sustain this decision), but the hope is that I will turn and face the darkness and find God present there too and that somehow, in the process of letting go, God will meet me there.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

After two weeks of no internet at MEF, thanks to a strike of lightning that zapped the receiver, it is back up and running. Well, maybe it would be more accurate to say, up and walking, or ambling, or hobbling. But something is better than nothing, right?

Saturday, February 20, 2010

I grabbed my towel after my shower this morning and a black thing landed on my chest. Without my glasses on, I wasn’t sure if it was a fuzz or something else more sinister. Unfortunately, it was the latter. Upon closer inspection, it was actually a cockroach, the size of the nail on my pinky finger. I considered embarking on a second shower but I was afraid the hot water would run out. And I figured the “three second rule” might apply to cockroaches on your chest in addition to food that falls on the floor.

So I am missing my computer game but that is normal when it comes to withdrawal. I limit the amount of videos or computer games my kids watch or play so that they can push through boredom and become creative. Now I get to apply that to myself. One of the best things that I have found to do is listen to Shane Hipps’ sermon series on the book of John. My friend, Annika, told me about these and on our home leave, when we had fast internet, I was able to download quite a few of these sermons. So now I sit and cross-stitch while listening to Shane and it has been absolutely wonderful. When one sermon finishes, I am ready to continue with the next one. This may partly be due to the fact that his sermons are generally 20 minutes long, half the length of sermons here so my “sermon stamina” calls for a double dose. But these sermons are enlightening and engaging and challenging and sad to say, I have been fed more in these handful of sermons than I have with all the sermons that I have heard here combined. I knew I was hungry but I didn’t know I was famished. So thanks Annika for inviting me to the feast and Shane, for preparing such a sumptuous meal.

Turns out today the bathroom was a danger zone. When I went to brush my teeth tonight, a gecko the size of my hand dropped from the ceiling directly in front of me. Poor guy must have lost his grip. Who can blame him? We all have days like that. We both looked at each other, slightly stunned, and then he scurried away.

Monday, February 22, 2010

This is a special week in my mother’s life and one that I want to celebrate. This is her last week of work as she is finally ready to retire. For the last ten years, she has worked as the director of a home care program, providing caregivers for the elderly so that they can remain in their homes. She inherited a program that needed much help and she was able to turn it around, increasing the hours of service provided, nurturing caregivers, as well as meeting the needs of many elderly people. My mom has a special gift of combining professionalism with honesty and compassion, and potential clients notice this when she does assessments with them. They end up choosing her organization over others time and again. She is the person in the organization that colleagues come to when they are suffering, need advice, or a candy from the dish on her desk. And she has a way with the elderly that is truly gifted. When I was growing up, she ran a day program for people with Alzheimers. Inevitably, some would try to escape and be found by the gate, agitated and confused. My mom was the one who could enter into their world and meet them where they were at, and convince them it was a good choice to come back to the meeting room and drink coffee and talk about current events instead of running away. It was obvious that she cared for the people she worked with, not treating them as children but respecting them, joking with them, and caring for them. She has been a blessing to many. And I’m sure that won’t end with her retirement. It will just take a different form as she continues to bless others just by being herself and using her gifts.

While I am at it, I will pay tribute to my mother-in-law as well, my other mom. She recently sent me a gift, a pair of earrings depicting a tree and its bare branches. The earrings are beautiful and they are even more precious because they join four other pairs of earrings, the rest having been stolen with the car. The lovely earrings were accompanied by a note that I found even more precious. In it, she refers to the loss of Nathaniel and the loss of our belongings and particularly the pictures that were on our computer that she knows grieves me still. Then, referring to the earrings, she writes, “My heart has ached for you. When I found this particular item I was stunned that it depicts life – though the exposed branches bloom, leaf and wither, it is the root that provides life. I know you know this, Cheryl – so I give them to you with much love.” I may have moments of knowing this but she has given me a beautiful reminder, because as you know by now, I have a short memory when it comes to life lessons and what God may be teaching me. She has a way with poetic words reflecting deep truths and timely encouragement.

I am truly blessed to be loved and nurtured by two beautiful women of God that mother me.

Friday, February 27, 2010

Peter just returned from a few days in Lusaka. Over the past week, we have had a team of people here conducting a review of the Africa Peacebuilding Institute. We knew two of the three people, Gopar from Nigeria and Belinda from Zimbabwe. We got to meet and get to know Dean Peachey from Manitoba. They took a break from their work to join us for dinner one night and watch a movie together Sunday afternoon. After collecting information here at MEF, they went to Lusaka to compile the information and share their findings with the Regional director. Peter went to be part of those meetings as he is the coordinator of API while we are here.

Meanwhile, the boys and I hung out at home. It has been raining almost nonstop for the past week. Whenever there is a break in the rain, the boys are outside catching frogs and playing soccer and making the most of it. I have been reading everything in sight lately, seeing as how the computer game is not an option during Lent. I am previewing some of the books Brendan received to know when he will be ready for them or when we can read them as a family. I picked up “A Wrinkle in Time,” a book I recall reading long ago but pretty much couldn’t remember at all. What a delightful read! I can’t wait to move on to the next on in the series. I’m sure we will read them as a family in the coming months but for now, they are mine to enjoy alone.

Just for the record, I am actually doing quite well at the moment. I remember ten years ago, at the beginning of Lent, God broke into my grief over Nathaniel, and woke me up spiritually. I feel as though the same thing is happening. I feel more alive spiritually, more balanced, more content than I have in a long time. God is good.