Live the Questions

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

At Brendan’s Christmas Carol Concert a few weeks ago, there was an offering taken for the children’s ward at Kitwe Central Hospital. The money contributed was dedicated to providing food for the children and their families in hospital. I had expressed interest in knowing when the school would be delivering the food so that the boys and I could go and see who would be receiving the gift. So I received a call yesterday from Ms. Lubamba, the head teacher, saying that they would be going this morning. The boys and I arrived at the school and climbed into the van with Mr. Banda (the music teacher), Ms. Lubamba, and Ms Kampambwe (a school administrator). The front seat was filled with beans, kapenta (small smelly fish), soya flour, and mealie meal. They had consulted with the hospital nutritionist and these were the items she suggested they buy. We delivered the food and then took a tour of the baby ward. Most of the babies there are malnourished, some with tuberculosis, others that are HIV+. A majority of the babies had a mother or grandmother sitting next to them but there was one little baby that was abandoned by his elderly grandmother after his mother died. The grandmother simply couldn’t look after him so she left him at the hospital. His big brown eyes begged someone to just hold him. We thought he looked like he was about 9 months old because he was so small and he couldn’t yet walk. But the doctor told us that he was 19 months. All the babies there were over a year old but looked like they were only a few months old instead.

The nurse and nutritionist were discussing with the Lechwe contingent the problems these mothers face and how best to help them. The mother often can’t supplement breast milk with solid food but is that because of apathy or poverty? Do you start with empowering women? Or do you address the fathers who won’t provide or can’t provide? Are food handouts the best way to meet needs or income generation initiatives? Is it the government’s responsibility to help these poor women and their bitty babies or the NGOs? Who knows? I certainly don’t. But I was encouraged to listen in on this conversation between Zambians as they struggle to meet the needs around them.

Friday, December 25, 2009

In the days leading up to Christmas, the boys were busy finding and making presents for the rest of the family. Jason decided he wanted to give Peter and I the gift of song. So I had to quickly teach him how to play “Jingle Bells” on the piano so that he could give that as a gift. Peter and I had agreed that we wouldn’t give gifts to each other this year but give that money to folks around us who needed it more. But at lunch on Christmas Eve day, I confessed to Peter that I was actually giving something to him for Christmas. He made me feel very guilty for about 15 seconds until he confessed that he too had just finished working on a gift for me that morning!

We invited the Jackson 5, as they call themselves, the new American missionary family living at MEF, to come join us for Christmas Eve dinner. Carrol made soup and the most delicious cornbread and I also made soup and homemade bread. Afterward, we read a short story about a conversation between two angels who were talking about how insignificant our little planet was compared to all the glories of the universe. But the senior angel told how earth was “the Visited Planet” and how that made it special. The Light came to earth, and now you can see little lights all over reflecting the one true Light. I liked the image of “the Visited Planet,” reminding me of the amazing and wonderful way that God came near. We sang Happy Birthday to Jesus and ate birthday cake to celebrate. It was good to have others with us to help celebrate Jesus’ birth.

We had a few adventures Christmas morning, all before it was even eight o’clock. Very early Christmas morning, we awoke to hear a loud crashing noise. In the morning, we discovered that a huge tree branch had fallen at Jenny’s place across the road. Thankfully, her truck wasn’t parked in the usual spot or it would have been crushed. When Peter went out to inspect it, Jenny came out and related that the reason her truck wasn’t there was because the wheel got stuck in a manhole the night before, near Max’s house on campus. During our flurry of robberies awhile back, one of the things that were stolen were manhole covers. MEF had remedied that by putting a piece of plywood over the gaping hole. I guess that wasn’t the best idea, especially during rainy season. So Peter got his carjack out and went over to help Jenny and Max get their truck unstuck. He returned home an hour later sweaty but successful.

Meanwhile, I was in the kitchen making Peter’s Christmas present. He has often said that he likes cinnamon rolls but that is something I just haven’t made much before. It always seemed overwhelming. But now that I am more familiar with dough, I thought I would give it a shot. I made sticky buns with pecans that turned out very yummy indeed. They came out of the oven just as Peter was returning from being a good neighbor. But as I was putting away the dishes the night before, I had a bit of a surprise. Something hopped out of the soup ladle . . . a beautifully colored frog! I quickly caught it and called the boys to come see. When I opened my hands so they could get a peek, it jumped right onto Brendan’s bare chest, which was a little freaky but also funny.

After we enjoyed eating Peter’s Christmas gift together, we proceeded to open the rest of the gifts under our tree. Brendan had made me something out of mud in our yard, but it hadn’t fully dried so I had to trek out to the side of the house to see it. He had drawn Peter a beautiful picture of fire. Jason proudly played his song to us. Peter gave me Massage Add-ons (since regular massages are simply a part of being married, he reasoned). So now I have coupons to add on a special massage of wrists and ankles, the forehead, etc. I will definitely be cashing those in! The rest of the morning was spent playing with the new gifts: constructing a floor puzzle of the States of America, assembling Lego vehicles, learning how to operate Brendan’s new (used) digital camera, engaging in target practice with Jason’s new foam dart shooter. It was relaxed and filled with gratitude. I am learning that there are benefits to having a quiet Christmas with just your immediate family. However, that is not to say that I won’t jump at the chance in the future to celebrate Christmas with our extended families!

The power went out in the afternoon and didn’t return until late that evening. This didn’t really affect us all too much except that I couldn’t charge my phone. That was a bummer because my parents and Kevin and Rhonda and the rest of the family called and we all talked to them for a bit until my battery died and the call abruptly ended. Peter’s parents called later on his phone and the boys were able to play a few piano pieces for them as well as exchange Christmas greetings.

Later in the evening, we curled up on the couch and I read “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” aloud to the boys by the light of my headlamp. Every year I get choked up at the same parts, when the awful Herdman boys, dressed up as wisemen, give their Christmas charity ham to baby Jesus instead of the usual gold, frankincense and myrrh, and decide to stay and adore Jesus instead of making their exit. And then I can’t hold back the tears when Imogene Herdman, playing the part of Mary who has Baby Jesus thrown over her shoulder and is burping him in the middle of the pageant, catches the wonder of Christmas and begins to cry and cry. It gets me every time. Jason leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek and Brendan took over reading for a few paragraphs until I could compose myself and keep reading. A good day.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

We had extended an invitation to two MCC families (Eric and Kathy have family from Canada visiting) to spend a bit of the holidays with us. The Moellers decided to come spend New Years with us but the Sanfilippos were trying to decide on their plans. Then the Sanfilippos proposed they come the day after Christmas and spend a few days here in Kitwe. A bit later we heard that is wasn’t possible for the Moellers to come because with the carjacking, there are now only two vehicles for four families and it is a bit of a mess. So we were disappointed that they couldn’t come. But then friends of theirs let them borrow a car so they ended up coming after all. We didn’t always know who was coming and when but it all worked out in the end!

So for eight days, with a day of rest in between, we had the two families with us. The Sanfilippos, who came first, managed to take a trip out to the chimpanzee refuge one day but the rest of the time, we hung out at our place. We played a lot of games and talked and had a good time together. Kanah and Talya (their girls) had our boys doing crafts and pretending to be kings and queens. They were all up very early in the morning, eager to start the day playing together. Then the Moellers came and the adults did more of the same, but the activities the kids engaged in was a bit different. The three Moeller boys, along with Brendan and Jason, spent most of their time playing Legos and catching frogs. Jonathan and Cynthia took an outing to a bird sanctuary nearby for their outing. We celebrated New Years Eve together, playing games and trying to keep the older boys awake until midnight. Our neighbors set off firecrackers which we enjoyed from our porch.

I didn’t do much reflection on 2009. I’m ready to put it behind me and look ahead to the next year. 2009 hasn’t been the best of years. 1999, a decade ago, when Nathaniel died, wasn’t a stellar year either. I guess one horrible year every decade doesn’t warrant complaint.

Monday, January 4, 2010

We recently discovered critter company in the boys’ bed. Brendan, on the top bunk, kept waking up with lots of bites and they didn’t look like mosquito bites. After a bit of research, we discovered to our great dismay, that they were bedbug bites. “Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite,” took on a whole new meaning. We stripped the bedding and boiled water on the stove to wash it in (because our washer only uses cold water). We inspected the mattresses for evidence of bedbugs but couldn’t find anything. Then Peter found strange blood stains on the mosquito net. Eureka! They had been living and breeding in the wood frames of the mosquito net. So we dismantled all that and boiled more water to wash the net. Those are hardy little guys though. After taking it out of the washer, we found a few still alive where the wood slides through the material. We got out the iron and killed a few more that way. But we think they are gone now, at least we hope so! (This is not an issue in the guest bed for anybody who was considering coming to visit us.)

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Peter received as a Christmas present, the book “Irresistible Revolution” by Shane Claiborne. I happened to find myself with nothing to do on the couch where Peter had opened his presents so I picked up the book and started reading. Simple but hard stuff. The book challenges me to be an “ordinary radical” as I seek to follow Jesus. And following Jesus is all about loving God and loving others, especially the poor and forgotten. Well, I am surrounded by those and I’m not scoring big points on that front. It is so hard for me to see Jesus in the drunk man at the market who follows me around and makes kissing noises in my face. I fail to see Jesus in the orphan kid who is constantly hitting up muzungus at MEF. I want to help Peggy but I’m not always good at loving her. But the message that comes through loud and clear is that it is all about love. Like in I Corinthians, If I serve four years with MCC in Zambia and have not love, it counts for nothing. On the other hand, sometimes we just have to do the right thing and hope that love follows. I’m lacking in the feeling aspect of love but hopefully doing a bit of the “love in action” thing. Both are probably true, two sides of the same coin. If I waited until I loved someone or saw Jesus in their eyes, then I would be sitting on my duff for a long time. From the gospels, I think I have a pretty good idea of what the Kingdom of God is supposed to look like so I might as well try to get started on some of those things and pray that God blesses it and continues to transform my heart so that it will be more loving. Simple but hard to do.

When I was reading this book on Christmas Day, I started to cry. Not just because my ability to love is severely inadequate but because I don’t feel I have a spiritual community locally that reminds me of what I’m doing and why. Our MCC Retreat provided that but I have a short memory and I need regular doses instead of quarterly. Spiritual nourishment usually happens best in community for me and I find it difficult to sustain on my own. So I’m feeling sad about not having that. But this isn’t only about living in Africa because I know friends and family who also long for church community to nourish and challenge and aren’t easily able to find it. Sometimes the church isn’t so good at being the Church.

When I finished that book, challenged and also depressed, I picked up Henri Nouwen’s book called “Spiritual Direction.” I’ve only just read the first chapter but am starting to be encouraged already. When I read “we need to live the questions of our lives, both alone and in community, as we seek our mission in the world,” I could let go of some of my anxiety. Living the questions. Not answering them, necessarily, but staying in the struggle. Who can know the mind of God? Who can control the realities of this world? Recognizing our own weakness, being assured that the questions are valid, we can seek God and go about acting rightly. On that journey, sometimes answers will be found and sometimes the questions will dissolve. Love the questions. Live the questions. Again, simple but hard to do.