A bit of perspective

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

It’s time to blog again because I’m no longer in the scattered/battered or weary/teary frame of mind but I might still be getting prayer for that. There may be others who need a bit of airtime (or prayertime) and I have been hogging that space for a bit now so if you need to put me on the back burner for awhile, I think I will be OK. But not for too long!

A friend used this metaphor to describe my reaction to the car theft: “It’s like you’ve been underwater for a long time and you were ready to come up for a breath only to be pushed back down again.” This week I was able to take some deep breaths and recover from the spluttering fits I had the previous week. That feels good.

One of the inadvertent outcomes of sharing this blog with others is that when people read about my experiences they end up feeling good about their own lives and are thankful they aren’t living mine. But there are others, unfortunately, who would gladly trade the trials they are facing for the mishaps and inconveniences that have come my way. Many look to us and breathe a sigh of relief that their lives are “boring” and yet I have people that I look to who remind me that I should be grateful I am not in their shoes.

My thoughts have turned to the women refugees that were in my trauma awareness workshop. The losses they have sustained are far more significant than my own. Family members killed or violated, fleeing home and community, losing jobs and income and prestige, hopes and dreams being flung aside and replaced with survival. Sometimes the best therapy is a bit of perspective. There is a delicate balance between acknowledging your own pain and loss and realizing that, in the whole scheme of things, it’s not so bad. We are also aware of our own privilege and resources that come in many forms. We have friends and family around the world who have loved us and supported us. We have access to finances that make it not as difficult to replace much of what was lost. And so many have been generous with what they have and sharing it with us. A 10-year-old friend of mine gave me tennis shoes that she had recently outgrown. It is a bit odd to receive hand-me-downs from a ten-year-old but I’m not picky.

The boys continue to try to make sense of it all. Brendan told Grandma Gail on the phone, “Having our car stolen was a bad thing, but as it says in Jonah, God takes good and bad and makes it into something good.” I’m not too sure about the accuracy of his biblical reference as I haven’t read Jonah lately but Brendan actually has during long church services in Zambia. But he may also be quoting the Veggie Tales Jonah movie, which may lack a bit of biblical accuracy. Jason says he wouldn’t have his Italy soccer shirt if all his other clothes hadn’t been stolen so currently he’s cool with the car theft.

The past two weeks have been one of connections which has also helped my emotional state. We spent a few quick days in Fresno helping my brother and his family pack up their old house and renovate their new one. The boys had a blast playing with cousins, scootering between the two houses located several blocks from each other, and competing on the wii.

One day was delightfully spent kayaking with Ty and Annika on the Pacific Ocean. It was a gorgeous day and we saw sea lions sunbathing on the rocks and playing in the water. I made a rookie mistake though and it is painfully obvious where I missed applying sunscreen on my knees and a swatch down my shin.

Between Monday and Friday of this week, we had 12 get togethers with friends or phone conversations with other friends who are on the same continent but that we won’t get to see. Each conversation was a gift in different ways with each friend asking different questions and sharing from their own lives. We also ate so much amazing food that I really can’t say I have felt even remotely hungry at any time this week.

The boys have enjoyed time with some friends as well but much of the time, they were with Grandma Anne and Grandpa Al. Grandpa Al will get an extra jewel in his crown because he took both boys to Chuck E. Cheese while Peter and I were enjoying lunch with friends. They’ve also gone hiking, done lots of swimming, and even did a bit of pottery.

Friday morning Peter went with me to see the doctor to find out why my cervix had been labeled abnormal. The OB/GYN was this awesome African-American woman who inspected the area in question with her nifty microscope and within ten seconds determined that it was merely a scar from childbirth (unbeknownst to me) in combination with a polyp that is not to be fretted over. So I got a clean bill of health from her and that is one less thing to worry about. Praise God!

The week ended with a magnificent massage. A friend gave this to me as a gift and we went together to relax and enjoy our muscles being rubbed down. So good.

Last Sunday evening Peter and I shared about MCC Zambia with the Peace Fellowship, a house church that my parents attend. It wasn’t easy to prepare for this and when we stopped to consider why, we realized that we had blocked Zambia from our minds after the car theft. Whenever our minds would go back to Zambia, we would feel traumatized all over again because we would immediately think of the moment when we realized our car and possessions were gone and our hearts dropping into our stomachs. But we were able to push through that and remember the good people in Zambia and the good things that are happening.

This past Sunday, we shared with Pasadena Mennonite Church, our home church and the ones that sent us out two years ago. I joined the music team for that Sunday and helped teach the church a few worship songs in Bemba which was fun. And then we all gathered at my parents’ house for a pool party, just like the old days. The party was supposed to go from 1:00 – 4:00 p.m. but it was just too much fun and friends finally left around 8:00! Several members of our support group planned the whole affair and it was just so refreshing to be surrounded by old friends and to have the kids splashing around in the pool with their friends. The boys swam for nearly seven hours, only getting out to eat chocolate cake and other sweets intermittently.

Now we are in Morro Bay with my side of the family and it is fabulous but I will save describing it for the next blog. Thanks for praying and for thinking of us during this stressful time. We have been so encouraged and thank God for continuing to restore us.