Monday, June 1, 2009
When I asked Peggy how she was doing this morning, she nearly started to cry. It seems that ever since her restaurant started making a bit of money, her auntie and grandma have been giving her grief. When the restaurant was in the idea stage, they were very supportive and the auntie was even going to partner in the business but then she got a job elsewhere. So Peggy and her younger sister have been working very hard and are proud to be able to contribute to the household. She has given her grandmother money, helped pay the electricity and water bills and bought food for the entire household. The auntie, on the other hand, says that her income belongs to herself and spends it on clothing. It appears that the auntie and grandma are jealous and resentful. They are even stealing from Peggy when she is at work, going through her things and taking money and biscuits she has bought for her daughter to have something to eat while at school for eight hours. They continually talk bad about her and accuse her of things she didn’t do. She is absolutely miserable but has no voice or power because she is an orphan and has no other family to live with.
Zambians pride themselves on family taking care of their orphans. But the stories I hear from many orphans is that they are given shelter and food but treated as second class citizens. They often aren’t sent to school and are made to work as servants in the household. In some families, there is little affection, only obligation. But over time the resentment builds, it would appear, so that even though Peggy is trying to give back now, her debt is so large that she must give over everything and not have anything for herself. Personally, I think the grandmother is an idiot for alienating the only person that will take care of her when she retires this year and has to wait two to three years for her pension to be given to her. The auntie won’t share her money and the rest of the grandmother’s sons and daughters have died of AIDS. Peggy has an opportunity to get ahead and the household will benefit but it is a classic case of the Zambian PhD, as I’ve heard it called: Pull him Down or Pull her Down. Instead of encouraging people to work hard and succeed, people rip the person down. It is maddening and sad and so discouraging.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Lesson for the day: Always be vigilant. After going to the bank to withdraw our money for the month (since the ATM machine rarely has money and our ATM card never works anyway and standing in line for hours in the bank more than once a month gets tedious), Peter met me at Shoprite. I came out with my bags so Peter put the fanny pack with the money in it on the passenger seat and went to the trunk to lift my bags into it. I turned to my passenger door and there was a man trying to steal the fanny pack. I yelled, “HEY, HEY, HEY!!!” He dropped the fanny pack on the ground and ran a few meters before stopping and slowly walking away as if nothing had happened. My heart was pounding as we were almost out $1000 that would have had to come out of our personal account (Kathy told me later that although that is the policy, they would have helped us out). The fanny pack must not have been on the seat more than a minute, and the doors were closed, plus we were right there and still he tried to steal it. Unbelievable.
Bob returned from a month on the road for his work and he was telling me about an accident he saw on the road between Ndola and Kitwe, a nice dual carriageway. His Zambian colleague asked him if he knew what had happened and then explained that the villagers put oil and rocks on the road to cause accidents. Then they come running out of the bushes to rob the people in the vehicle. We weren’t pleased to hear this right before I head to Lusaka next week on my own to pick up the Manickams, our friends who are coming to visit. We had heard of similar incidents on the highway just south of Lusaka but never in the Copperbelt. I’ll have to be extra vigilant. As if looking out for potholes, stopping at police checkpoints, and avoiding broken down trucks in the middle of the road wasn’t enough.
Last week, as I was preparing to leave the showgrounds, a man approached my car. He introduced himself as Chris, a neighbor of mine at MEF. I didn’t recognize him so I decided to just be polite, in case that was true, and say hello. Of course, he needed me to give him K100,000 which I refused. Then he needed a ride back to MEF, which I again politely refused. He wondered if I had seen Henry, the public relations officer at MEF, perhaps saying this to verify that he really was from MEF. I told him that Henry was back at the showgrounds and if he needed money or a ride, he should talk to Henry, and I drove away with him still leaning into my window. I’ve asked around at MEF if anyone knows this Chris and so far, I haven’t found anyone. He must have done his research or did some good guessing to know I was from MEF. Afterwards, I always think of other options of things I could have said or done better, but at least I was vigilant. You just have to be here, especially if you are white and wealthy, like we are.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
On Thursday I left for Lusaka, traveling solo in our car. I stopped off in Ndola, an hour away, to see if Brendan’s study permit was ready to be picked up. We had been told that it would be ready in two weeks but when Peter went to check a month later, they just laughed at him and didn’t even bother searching because there was no chance it would be there. So I came looking two months later and it still wasn’t ready. There is no other way to check if it has been processed except to show up at the office and ask, which is rather inconvenient when it is an hour away. Oh well. I was given instructions on what to do at the Kitwe immigration office so that this won’t be an issue when we try to leave and return to Zambia for our home leave.
I was a bit worried about the rest of my four hour drive to Kitwe, as I am usually one to nod off half an hour into a road trip when Peter is driving. But I had to stay alert with potholes, broken down trucks, speed bumps, and police checkpoints all along the way. I was pleased to find myself awake and alert the entire trip. Carmen had sent a CD with a mix of songs the week before so I enjoyed listening to that and it felt like she was in the car with me. Well, almost but not quite. Annika had sent me a Fresh Air interview of two Amazing Race contestants and another half hour flew by. Then I stuck in a Buxman End of Year CD from 2007 and again felt like I had friends traveling with me, at least a little bit. Bob had told me about a restaurant half way between here and Lusaka so I stopped there to check it out and discovered my new favorite stopping place. The food was cheap and fast but tasty and they have clean bathrooms, a trampoline for the kids and a lovely atmosphere. I was stoked!
When I arrived in Lusaka, I went directly to the Archdiocese of Lusaka (ADL) Peace Center to meet with ladies from the Great Lakes Refugee Women’s Association of Zambia (GWRAZ). I wanted to follow up with them after the trauma workshop I conducted a few weeks back. I discovered to my delight that they had intervened in a case involving rape and had used what they had been taught. They also were advocates for the family and connected them to valuable resources to help them with their situation. As a result, they have gained a reputation in the refugee community as an association that can make a difference. On the negative side, the organization continues to struggle because of the same dynamics that are played out on a global level. The group consists of women from Rwanda, DRC, and Burundi. However, the Rwandans are the majority and so they set the agenda. Those who find themselves in the minority struggle to be have a voice and sometimes sabotage the process as a way to be heard. In my consultation, I presented the idea of using a consensus model as opposed to one where the majority rules. The Burundians present latched onto this idea and expressed a desire to see this model used in their organization. The others listened carefully and understood how this would help them move forward. They want to bring healing to their communities but are realizing that it has to start with them. There were several key ladies that were not present so I hope they will be able to help them understand what consensus is and how it can be beneficial to them.
After a tasty meal with our MCC Reps, Eric and Kathy, I crashed. The five hour drive and two and a half hour consultation finally caught up with me. Friday was spent in what Peter has dubbed my “makeover.” I went to the dentist in the morning to have the veneers on my two front teeth replaced but was pleasantly surprised to hear that he could simply fix the chip on my front tooth and not bother with the veneers. It was a sixth of the cost I was expecting and I get to have my real teeth on display. I was pretty excited! In the afternoon I got a haircut, first one in nine months. It is a bit shorter than I had anticipated but it is a good cut and I am pleased. The afternoon and evening passed quickly with a visit to the other MCC family in Lusaka, the Moellers. They have been here a few months now and many of their experiences and reflections reminded me of our initial adjustment period.
And then it was off to the airport to pick up our friends, the Manickams. Joe and Wanda are dear friends of ours from our Pasadena days and Faith and Matthew spent their early years together with our boys. We have been looking forward to their visit for so long and the time finally came. This morning we began our drive back to Kitwe, stopping at my new favorite place, The Fig Tree, for samosas and a potty break. We made it to Kitwe safely by late afternoon and the kids immediately began playing together and having a great time.
Meanwhile, Jason had a busy two days when I was gone. It seems there is little to no activity all year and then when I am not available, then everything happens. On Thursday Jason took a field trip with his class to Nsobe Game Camp where they went on a safari ride and fished in the lake. Apparently he came home and told Peter it was the best day of his life! Then on Friday, Jason’s class did a presentation for the school assembly. Jason had been practicing his lines all week and was very excited. 
Peter was able to attend and said Jason did well. Following the assembly, the lower primary grades had their sports day. Ever the competitor, Jason was proud to have come in first in three races and third in two others. And their class won the tug of war, thanks to Jason pulling the hardest (according to his own unbiased report). I was bummed I had to miss all that but Jason was just thrilled that Peter would be there so my absence was not an issue with him.Thursday, June 18, 2009
In the past week, we have tried to show the Manickams a bit of our world so they can see first hand what they had previously only read about in my blog. On Sunday, we went to our church and it was a typical service. Enough said on that. Afterwards, we drove to the old market area of Chimwemwe township so we could have lunch at Peggy’s restaurant. I had told her ahead of time that we were coming so she had nshima, chicken, beef, fish, and cabbage waiting for us. We did our best to make a dent in the mound of nshima that we shared with each other but while we enjoyed it, we couldn’t put away as much as a regular Zambian. The kids did well eating the Zambian food, especially since they had to eat with their hands, and Faith said she really enjoyed the nshima. It was good food and good to see Peggy so proud of her restaurant.
Monday was spent at the Chimfunshi Chimpanzee Refuge. Our neighbors were kind enough to let us borrow their van so we could all travel together. The last hour was very bumpy and dusty but we survived. The chimpanzees are so interesting to watch as they interact with each other and the keepers. While we were at the smaller orphanage site, keeping our distance from Billy the hippo, a vervet monkey made friends with us. He had been a pet before but the owners gave him to Chimfunshi. He crawled all over the children, combing through their hair with his little fingers, and ducking inside their shirts. It especially loved Peter and would perch on his shoulder as we walked along. It was very entertaining for the kids and they all thought it would be grand to have him as a pet. 
I must admit I wasn’t completely at ease when the monkey decided to scramble onto my shoulder and run his fingers through my hair and swish his tail in my face but I tried not to freak out.The rest of the week we relaxed at home as well as maintained our regular weekly activities. Faith and Matthew joined Brendan and Jason for their soccer practice at school. We wandered through the market and spent time bargaining for souvenirs at the curio market. The kids played lots of soccer and field hockey in the front yard, and spent time playing games, doing crafts and reading books. Joe and Wanda set up an obstacle course for them one afternoon and timed them as they ran it. We adults had lots of time to catch up with each other and in the evening we would play games after the kids went to sleep. Everyone was very flexible like when there was no water or limited hot water, or when the power went out, which thankfully was not too often and not for too long.
One of the things I appreciated the most were our conversations about parenting, their struggles and ours and how to raise children who are late elementary school age. I’ve benefited from watching how our friends and family parent over time but have been cut off from that for the past few years. Sometimes I don’t know what is unique to our situation or to our boys’ personalities, but in talking with Joe and Wanda, I found out that much of what we struggle with is shared by many. The issue of our children and church generated much discussion, as it can be hard to engage children in church life no matter what continent you live on. Even though there are no easy answers, it was good to get a different perspective and hear how they have tried to respond to the issues they face in their family.
It has been a wonderful week with them and our boys have obviously enjoyed the interaction they had not only with Faith and Matthew, but also with Joe and Wanda. Each of them are so delightful in their own way and it was a breath of fresh air for us all. Tomorrow we will put them on a bus back to Lusaka and then they will continue with their travels and adventures.
Friday, June 19, 2009
I spent the afternoon at Lechwe School giving a short trauma awareness workshop to staff. Going into the seminar, I had no idea who would be coming and how many. It turned out to be only the primary school staff as the secondary teachers had other obligations. There were about 25 teachers and helpers who attended and it seemed to go well. It is obvious that they care for their students and want to help those who are hurting but lack the time and the training to help. It became apparent that Lechwe needs to find a way to meet the mental health needs of their students which is difficult as there is no school counselor and no therapists or psychologists in the community to whom you can refer students and their families. It seems that I will be able to continue consulting with them and provide training and resources but there is much more that they need and want that I can’t provide.
With the Manickams off to South Africa and the trauma workshop over, I will now focus on preparing for our home leave. We are excited to reconnect with family and friends during July and August and to relax in our home culture, which is no less screwed up than the one we are living in, but at least it is familiar.
Here is a rough outline of our schedule:
June 30 –July 4 Prague, Czech Republic
July 5 - 19 Pasadena, CA
July 20 –24 Morro Bay, CA
July 25 – 29 Pasadena, CA
July 30 – Aug. 4 Fresno, CA
Aug. 6 - 20 Spokane, WA
Aug. 21 – 27 Pasadena, CA
If you are around when we are in your neck of the woods and want to get together, contact me by email and we will see what we can arrange.
I'll end this post with a picture of Jason's soccer ball. Every month we buy Brendan and Jason each a soccer ball . We don't know if it is due to the poor quality of the ball or the amount of use it gets, but after just a few weeks, it looks like the ball on the right.
A new soccer ball and the same kind a month later
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