Living Generously and Giving Responsibly

Each member of our MCC Zambia Team was asked to write a short piece on what they have learned over the past year. The intention was for these pieces to be part of orientation for new workers in Zambia. So I thought I would share my piece with all of you.

Living Generously and Giving Responsibly
by Cheryl Smith

I knew that it would not be easy to live in a developing country amidst some of the poorest people in the world. Being the kind of person who finds joy in helping others and recognizing that I won’t be able to help everyone, I knew that the area of giving would be difficult. And now, nine months later, I wish I had more answers. But knowing how to give, when to give, what makes giving beneficial, when it is paternalistic, the best avenues for giving, discerning whom to give to, all these issues continue to swirl around in my mind. I want to be someone who lives generously and gives responsibly. I have gathered some of the advice given to me over the past few months, related to the issue of giving. This is what I have heard:

“Don’t give to anyone the first year.” At first this seemed rather harsh and legalistic but I appreciate the sentiment behind it. When I first arrived, I wanted to jump right in and give to my heart’s content. But it is complex and therefore time is needed to discern.
“Give only to those needs that are unexpected, not everyday needs like minibus fare and mealie-meal. They found a way provide for these things before you came along.” I easily can feel like I have to rescue others when they come to me with their needs. I am learning to recognize their resourcefulness and to remember that most found a way before I arrived to meet their basic needs.
“Pay for work instead of giving handouts.” For the orphan boy, Anthony, who comes around every weekend, we try to find work for him to do. We have to inspect his work afterward and help him to do good work but this is also necessary for him. He is learning skills about being thorough and working hard for money, not just expecting charity.
“If possible, don’t let it be known that the giving is coming from Western hands.” We have been encouraged to give to local organizations and support them rather than encourage the “white person as ATM” syndrome.
“Don’t give money or food to street kids.” In talking with those who work with street kids, I learned that giving anything to them, food or money, encourages them to stay on the street instead of going to places that can help them. Instead, we can give our money to organizations like Chisomo Drop-in Center that are helping children stay off the street.
“Listen to what is needed instead of assuming you know how and what to give.” Too often we think we know what is best instead of hearing what it is they want and need.
“Invest in projects, people, and organizations that promote self-sustaining activities.” It is important to choose giving that empowers and equips people instead of making oneself indispensable.

In reading the book, African Friends and Money Matters by David Maranz, I realized that there are many perceptions about money that differ between my Western culture and African culture. Here are a few differences that stood out for me:

• Westerners generally look for friendships based on mutuality and reciprocity. We tend to be suspect of friendships that are mixed with money. We are afraid that we will be seen only for what we can provide and therefore we may feel used. But for Africans, material benefit is a natural part of friendship and not something to be feared.
• In African cultures, there is the belief that there is no harm in asking for something from others, whether it be money, food, or a gift. They may not think you will really give it to them but they ask anyway. In Western cultures, there is shame in asking for assistance and so if you are asked, there is the expectation that the need will be met.
• In Western cultures, one can feel free to decline a request with a direct “no.” A direct “no” is seen as an insult in African culture. The negative answer is softened by saying something like, “Maybe later,” or “Not today.”
• Westerners want to evaluate the need for themselves to see if the need is legitimate. We only want to give to worthy causes so that problems are not perpetuated, like giving money to an alcoholic knowing the money will be spent on more alcohol. Africans, on the other hand, will trust the one making the request, even if it is a request by a friend on behalf of another friend who they do not know.
• Africans are flattered when they are asked for help. It is an honor to be seen as someone who has ample resources. Instead of feeling honored, Westerners usually feel annoyed by requests for aid.

These differences in culture remind me not to be so quick to judge. Knowing my own context in terms of giving helps me to be gracious toward another culture’s perspectives. I can’t say that I can hold the different pieces of advice along with the cultural differences in perfect balance. Sometimes I adhere to one part more than the other, “breaking the rules” because I feel led to do so. But I see these aspects as signposts along the way that help inform me when various situations arise.

I don’t know if I can say that this is what I have learned about living generously and giving responsibly but it reveals the ways in which I am struggling to understand this complex issue. Being constantly aware of the economic inequality around me is uncomfortable but hopefully, by engaging the struggle, I will continue to learn.