May 20, 2007

I’ve never scheduled so many appointments in one month – twelve to be exact. MCC requires us to see an optometrist, dentist, and doctor before we leave who will certify that we are in good health. We all took our turn at the optometrist and learned that most toddlers are slightly nearsighted. Only one cavity was discovered in our family and it was located in Brendan’s mouth. Another appointment was scheduled. Doctor appointments are on the calendar, squeezed in just before we leave for our summer adventures. As a bonus, we spent a Monday afternoon at the Public Health Department getting our immunizations. The boys got off easy with only two shots each, but Peter and I both needed four shots as well as an oral inoculation taken over the next few days. A great time was had by all. But I got to check a lot of items off my list!

We were not prepared for the changes that came when Jason turned four. I should have asked if there was an inoculation for that. There are more frequent meltdowns, full-blown tantrums and “assertions for independence.” He also has a higher need for interaction with other kids that I am doing my best to meet. Daily, we find ourselves thankful that we live in community so that when I have reached my limit with Jason, others step in. Jason is very lucky that he has grandparents who continue to think he is adorable when his parents have a perpetual eyeroll going.

The major project that has been undertaken in our household is to get Jason to expand his repertoire of acceptable foods. This makes nearly every meal a challenge, except for breakfast when he enjoys his bagel while sitting on Grandpa’s lap in the living room. The other night, dinner was a complete fiasco. It was Tuesday evening which means we need to eat dinner at five and clean up before Dad’s students come at 5:30. Jason was having great difficulty eating his chicken nuggets, which he chose and can down in two minutes flat and McDonalds. It took him the whole time to eat these two nuggets, complete with whining, gagging, choking, and spitting out the food. I told him that if he spits out his food again, there will be a consequence and I will take away his beloved stuffed animals. Brendan pipes up, saying, “Are you really going to do what you say?” By this time, there are several of Dad’s psychology students milling around and I feel defensive and answer, “Of course I am going to do what I say!” I don’t want to be pegged as a wishy-washy parent who can’t follow through on discipline even if that is sometimes true. So I turn to Jason and reiterate the consequence and he promptly spits out his food. I tell him that his animals need to have a time out for five minutes which brings on the hysterics. Brendan begins to tell Jason, “That’s really not very much, five minutes is like nothing at all. It’s not even really a consequence if you think about it . . .” At this point I am about to lose it with both of my lovely boys but don’t have time to do that since we need to get out of the kitchen because Dad’s class is about to begin.

Later that evening I went to our Pink Piranhas Bible Study. That is where I had my own meltdown. Someone asked me how I was doing and I burst into tears and burbled something about being tired of being with Jason but having to be with him all the time and wishing I could put him in preschool for the next month but can’t. Along with a lot of empathy, two friends offered to take him off my hands the next morning, which I gladly accepted (with only a bit of guilt). Another friend pulled out a gift card to Starbucks to treat myself. Maybe I should have breakdowns more often! It’s not really all about Jason’s behavior because he can still be sweet and fun so it probably is layered with things like Peter trying to finish his dissertation in the next few weeks, feeling anxious about Mom’s health which hasn’t been great these last few months, feeling the urgency to do certain things in preparation for moving to Africa but not being able to do so for various reasons. There is probably also unconscious grieving and anxiety about this move but we’ll deal with that another time.

There are times that Jason is both exasperating and adorable. The next project I should work on is a dictionary of Jason’s personal definitions. He has taken ordinary words and fixed them with different meanings. For example, he will ask me, “What is a group of lions called?” I know this is a set up but I answer anyway, “A pride.” He replies, “NOOOOOO! It’s not!” I then can ask him, “What do you call it?” With a smug look on his face, he says, “I call it a pod not a pride.” It doesn’t help to explain that a pod refers to a group of dolphins and he has switched it around. Other entries in his dictionary would include calling zweibach “Reebok.” The mucous that he coughs up and spits out has been named “Memphis.” And a paramedic has been dubbed a “fire ambulance.” But by far the most frustrating conversation that we have daily is about the use of the term “zero.” Jason insists that zero does not mean nothing but when pressed further, can’t define it for me. Zero definitely means something but not a specific number. When I ask him to show me how many that is on his fingers, he puts them together to form a circle. At one point I thought zero meant something between eleven and twelve but now I am not so sure. We had a breakthrough the other day when he approached me while I was doing dishes and said, “Other people think zero means nothing?” I said yes, hoping we weren’t going to launch into this conversation again, but he just walked away. Some of Jason’s new definitions are pretty funny, but unfortunately Brendan sees the humor in it less than we do. He is at the age where it is very important to use the correct term for anything. Most of his sentences being with, “Actually . . .” We are working with Brendan on allowing Jason to define his vocabulary and to just LET IT GO!

Brendan is accumulating knowledge at a scary rate, especially since he learned to read. He has a good memory and is often spitting out facts, usually about animals, that I have learned to trust is correct. He may have picked up on Jason going through a rough stage and decided to go easy on me because he has been very pleasant to be around. I have enjoyed his company and conversations. Nice of them to take turns. I’m wondering when it will switch again . . .

Along with a new attitude, Jason also has a new hairdo. He is thrilled to have a haircut like Daddy and Brendan!